Reasons Not to Move to the Country

Clean air, good schools, big gardens, low stress – the whole farm-fresh, quality-assured lifestyle – if you too have ever wondered whether this might be the answer to your urban woes, read on. You know that Aga you coveted? It will soon reveal itself to be a living, breathing antichrist waging a slow-burn, personal vendetta against you. And that dream of horny-handed self-sufficiency? If you’ve got the patience to make it through to the end of the baffling seed packet instructions, you’ll be doing well. As for the children, will they spend all their time outside, making catapults from twigs and fishing with jam-jars? Will they hell. They’ll be slumped indoors watching telly, cursing the day they were wrenched away from their friends in town…